Derek, why do you think so many men are afraid to go after the women they want?

It's not "so many". ALL men, at least at first, are afraid to go after the women they want. And that fear never goes away 100%.

It's perfectly natural to have this fear. That's what most guys don't understand. They're afraid, they have hesitation, and they think that something's wrong with them. But really they're having a normal response.

That fear of going up to women is built into our genetics. When we humans lived in hunter gatherer bands of 30 to 50 people, to go up to a woman and getting "rejected" could literally mean genetic death. If she turned you down, the 3 or 4 other fertile females in the tribe would probably find out and your social value would be lowered. A single "rejection" could significantly diminish your chances of mating and passing on your genes. So men who approached the women they wanted directly tended not to reproduce. Only the men with a fear of approaching survived. It was literally a matter of LIFE AND DEATH.

Of course, that's not the case anymore. It's completely counterproductive to have that fear of approaching women today. Rather than 3 or 4 fertile females, there are millions. And even if one turns you down, the other 999,999 women won't find out about it.

Consequently, the most successful genetic strategy of 200 years ago and before is now suddenly the LEAST successful strategy. Yet the programming of our human brains hasn't had a chance to adapt to the new conditions.

I explain the process in more detail in my books and how to get over that natural and perfectly normal fear.

In your opinion, what do you see as the "reality" of dealing with women as opposed to what the media would have us believe it is?

We live in a capitalist society. Owners of business - capitalists - make profits by selling products. They make money by selling us THINGS (commodities) on the capitalist market. And they often use sex to sell their products.

Consequently, men are bombarded with advertising messages of things they need to BUY to win the girl. You need to BUY a hot car to impress a girl. You need to BUY expensive clothes. You need to BUY Big Red breath gum. You need to BUY and be seen with the right kind of beer. You need to BUY her restaurant food, movie tickets, and Hallmark cards to impress her.

These are all messages constantly put forth by capitalists on the capitalist market to make money. And they're very successful at it. Given that it's all around us, it becomes an all-encompassing ideology that we never even think to question. It would never occur to us that NONE OF THIS IS TRUE, no more than it would occur to a Medieval peasant that the Earth isn't flat.

There is also an interesting evolutionary theory out there - that every man wants to have sex and spread his genes with as many women as possible - and yet stop all of the OTHER competing males from doing so.

You can see this behavior all throughout society. For example, religious fundamentalist males often teach that sex is a bad thing that we shouldn't engage in. They teach that men should be and act asexual around women. And women should be "pure" and "virginal" and not show outward interest in sex. It's taboo to teach men how to behave around women in a way that attracts women.

Yet there's a large body of evidence that shows that religious fundamentalist males cheat on their partners just as much as non-religious males. In other words, they teach men not to be promiscuous and yet in practice are promiscuous themselves.

As you can see, these different ideological forces, often contradictory with one another, hit us from all angles and form our consciousness. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that most guys are pretty clueless as a result.

However, while these ideological forces affect us on a very deep level, they don't enslave us; with time, you can unlearn them and adopt a new set of beliefs that better matches reality and will actually deliver concrete results. That's why I wrote Seduction Science , to cut through all of these ideological forces and expose the underlying reality of what really works in attracting women.

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Derek Vitalio is one of the leading authorities on How to Attract and Seduce beautiful women his book Seduction Science is highly recommended.