They're there. Waiting for you. Thousands upon thousands of attractive woman who are saying it plainly - I want to date, I want a man. Write me.

But it's how you write to them that makes all the difference between success and failure.

Most men have this idea that they are "winning" a prize when they get a woman's attention, when they get her phone number, when they her to bed. Does this sound familiar? Is this how you were brought up - watching puppy-dog guys hoping for a kiss from the prom queen in countless dumb tv shows and movies? Do you, in some dark recess of your brain - that place where unexamined cliches live - believe that in dating, you are entering a lottery and that you are hoping to win. That your chances are 1 in a million? Worse?

If so, you are crippling yourself from the get-go. Think about what is happening sub-consciously for you. How often have you actually won a prize in a contest or drawing? Not many, I'd assume.
Therefore, if you think of a "woman" or even "date" as a rarified prize you would be lucky to obtain, your mind will automatically cause you to play in the same defeatist, resigned, ultimately helpless hail-Mary way you look at a Super--Lotto.

You're depening on Lady Luck. And, ask any gambler or lotto buyer, Lady Luck tends to be one cold, heartless bitch.

To approach online dating counting on luck, hoping you can scattershot emails to women, is to court failure and humiliation.

Towards the end of my marriage, I became a connoisseur of humiliatition. My wife beat my self-confidence to a pulp. I thought I was stupid, unattractive, and worthless. I had lost my wife, I nearly lost my home, came within a few nickels of actually going broke. . . things were bad. Very bad.

So meeting women face to face was difficult to say the least. I was projecting failure, sadness, helplessness. As I climbed back on my feet, and learned that her opinion was nothing more than one somewhat lost, disturbed woman's opinion and that I was actually attractive to women, I became aware that hey - I was the prize - apparently.

Once I really integrated the truth of that in my mindset, everything changed! I carried myself differently, I projected myself differently, I changed my online profile and the women popped up one after another - just like that whack-a-mole game.

Men must realize that they are the prize. Women are seeking you just as assiduously as you are seeking them. That's why they are paing the thirty bucks a month to their online dating service.

This is the critical information and necessary information you need to own before you succeed online. She will sense it, she will respect it, and because she is just as hard-wired by thousands of years of evolution as you are, she will feel sexually attracted to you.

By igniting her imagination and taking her to bed, you are, in fact, not TAKING anything from her, but GIVING. You are sharing the prize - yourself. Success with online dating is about GIVING in order to receive. It is about coming from a position of confidence and self-knowledge.

It's about Giving women what they want. What they REALLY want, even if they don't say it outright.

It's about letting women give to you what YOU want. And creating the opportunities for them to do that.

It's about reading between the lines, and talking between the lines. About communicating that you have self-worth, that you possess qualities that will add to her life. For those of you who have online profiles, read them again - do you sound like a beggar or a philanthropist? Are you asking or are you offering. When I counsel men on how to attract the women of their dreams online, this is one of the first exercises I give them.

Now, putting these ideas into practice is not so difficult. But truly believing them, truly owning your own self worth takes a little more work. That's why in the Net2bed system, I created an entire "pre-game" workbook to help men make the essential shift inside as well as in their words.

The truth of the matter is, if you don't really believe you are the prize, she may not.

Of course, there is one danger in all of this. Some guys take this "worthiness" too far, and come across like an arrogant Jerk. Don't do that! Write and communicate with confidence, not arrogance, and you'll find that you have already become, in many ways, exactly the prize she seeks.
 

Grant Adams is author of the wildly effective
"Net2Bed System Manual: How to Stand Out Online So That By The
Time You Meet, She's Already Yours"