I'm Bringing Sexy Back

It's just that I'm starting to think we've completely lost touch with what "sexy" means...especially as far as what makes a woman sexy. And that is something that needs to make a comeback...big time.

Men who are confident, stylish and masculine are generally understood to be sexy. We talk a lot about that sort of thing around here, and have the newsletter archive, podcast feeds and the Power Sessions to prove it.

But for women, there's a disconnect in today's culture. And I believe it to be a particularly tragic one. Somewhere along the line, the concept of "sexy" somehow began to be confused with-or even considered interchangeable with-"slutty".

Do you know the difference between the two? Can you articulate what that difference is? Both a "sexy" woman and a "slutty" woman are sexually attractive, and each therefore can get men pretty well charged up. But that's where the similarities end.

In my mind the difference is very clear. To me, a "sexy" woman exudes the kind of natural feminine charm and mystique that ignites masculine energy. Softness, warmth, confidence, peace, dignity, motherhood, grace, a warm smile and a caring heart draw men in...all woven together with confidence.

Certainly, a feminine woman who believes in the natural strength of her very femininity itself reaches the elusive state of "irresistibility" that the likes of Amy Waterman and Marie Forleo harp on so consistently...and for good reason. After all, what masculine man can resist a feminine woman. Natural femininity is just flat-out SEXY.

So, then, what causes a woman to come off as "slutty" rather than "sexy"?

A few newsletters ago we discussed how men who are "sex focused" tend to chase away great women. Similarly, women who think "all men are sex-focused dogs" tend to attract...well..."sex-focused dogs". After all, what man who genuinely appreciates femininity is going to settle for a woman who has such a cynical view of manhood?

And therein lies the answer to what really is at the core of "sluttiness". Simply put, when a woman decides in her mind that all men truly are "sex-focused dogs", we already know how that attitude affects what kind of guys she tends to attract. But what is HER reaction? Some women are frustrated by their view of men and prefer to stay alone--dateless. Other women, waving a white flag to what they perceive to be the only dimension of manhood available out there, instead CAPITULATE to men who focus on sex.

Perhaps in today's culture there are plenty of women who are just as sex-focused as many men are. I won't discount that. But in the majority of cases when a woman comes off as "slutty", she simply believes she has the most to gain if she just gives sex-focused men exactly what they want. So she portrays herself as a sex object, with the goal of maximizing her sexual visibility and therefore her potential for getting attention from the type of guy she feels she must settle for. After all, the alternative--in her mind--is NO guy.

Notice I used that word "settle" again. That's exactly what is going on here. Whether we are sex-focused and/or have talked ourselves into believing the opposite sex is so, we set ourselves up for getting less out of life than greatness when it comes to relationships. Often you hear "sluttiness" referred to in the same context as "lack of self-respect". Agreed, insofar as the act of capitulation to mediocrity goes. But it's much deeper than that. And again, it's not a "male/female" thing, it's a "human" thing. How so? Sex-focused men and the women who capitulate to them (and vice-versa when the shoe fits) are both not just disrespecting themselves, they are failing to respect the opposite gender.

And you know what that adds up to. You've got it: Everybody involved is getting exactly what they are setting themselves up for in their respective dating lives.

If you want a great man or a great woman, you must believe there is greatness to be had in the opposite gender. Think "appreciate and ignite" rather than "capitulate and accept" and you'll get out from under this sexual rat race if you so choose. Then, of course, you'll begin to deserve what you want.

[About the Author]:Scot Mckay is well-known for his monumental The Leading Man program, for his multiple top-ranked podcasts on iTunes and his unique formula for online dating success--in which he objectively demonstrates how to literally dominate one's entire metro area on the dating site of your choice.

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