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They are too easily 'sold' on a woman, simply
because she pays attention to them, or looks pretty. A beautiful
woman can be like 'kryptonite' to a lonely man. We forget to Qualify
women, and we end up trying to qualify ourselves to her instead
(by talking too much, trying to impress her, etc.).
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We think that being 'nice' and accommodating
will spark attraction. But being nice is often just a needy, childish
way of manipulating women. "Look at how much I have done
for you!" We do favors for women, we set aside our own values,
we give gifts, we throw around compliments and we think this is
what will make her want to reciprocate. Being nice is an immature
way of begging for attention and love.
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On the other hand, some guys make the mistake
of thinking they need to act like 'jerks' to get women. These
men were usually rejected one too many times. We have all witnessed
beautiful women on the arms of jerks, and secretly thought, "Is
this what women really want?? Bad boys and jerks?" We are
not aware of the actual screening processes women have, we're
in the dark, we often think we know what women supposedly want,
but most guys don't have a clue.
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We try too hard. Perpetually afraid of rejection,
we often try to appear to be something we are not: perfect. So,
we talk about our accomplishments, we share our 'coolest stories',
we use our best jokes, and deep down we think that women won't
accept our sensitive, tender, 'imperfect' side. We display (and
even exaggerate) our best side, yet we hide certain aspects of
ourselves because we think women will disapprove. So we try to
mask, or cover up the truth, and women know it.
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Almost all men seem to have this problem: We
hesitate to escalate things to an "intimate" level.
We're afraid to hold her hand, to hug her, to kiss her. Why? Because
we don't want to "offend" her. We don't want to scare
her away. So we end up chatting all night, and she goes home wondering
if we aren't attracted to her.
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We think that a phone number has value. As soon
as we get a good response from her, we ask for her number, and
then wonder why she isn't responsive when we call her. We even
brag to our friends, "I got 25 phone numbers tonight!"
Great, that's 25 girls who probably won't return your calls. Way
to go, champ!
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We let women make the decisions and take the
lead. When asked, "Where do you want to go tonight?"
we actually reply, "I dunno! Where do YOU want to go tonight?"
We have no balls. Women want to be swept off their feet, they
want to be taken on an adventure. They want a guy they can trust
to make decisions, and they want to follow our leads. This isn't
about being a "control freak", it's about leadership
and trust. To be in control, but not controlling.
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We let women control the conversation, and talk
about whatever they wish to talk about. Next thing you know, we're
in a heavy conversation about school, paying taxes, her ex-boyfriend...
Chances are, if you let her steer the conversation, she will take
the conversation and run it right into the ground. Our lives would
be so much easier if only we knew how to lead the conversation
towards topics that make women feel emotional... that's E-Motion,
Energy In Motion.
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We're too afraid to think out loud, so we second-guess
ourselves and end up nervous. We don't want to put our foot in
our mouth, so we play it safe and end up coming across as another
plain, average, boring, logical guy.
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We unconsciously fear "success with women"
and all that it entails. For example, do you realize that if you
get really good with women, you'll end up losing some of your
best friends as a result of them being jealous? Being good with
women is also a huge responsibility, and requires some very fundamental
attitude changes.
Now, most men are too proud to seek help in this area. A lot
of men are even in denial. I can't tell you how many men I have met who actually
go online and argue with other men about "the way women are", and all of the
beliefs they have accumulated... and people will usually do more to defend a
belief system than to improve their lives.
To get good with women, one must actually be willing to let
go of previously held beliefs. In fact, the less beliefs, the better.
The trick to succeeding with women is simple: One must be
willing to move their consciousness OUT of the ego/mind, and into the Heart.
The Heart is supposed to be the master of ego/mind. But most
men have this backwards. They allow ego/mind to rule them, while their Heart's
remain almost completely closed.
Succeeding with women isn't about using lines and tricks and
techniques. That stuff is what cowards rely on, it's used to cover up the fact
that they are not secure with themselves. This is really THE problem, and it is
due to being stuck in the ego/mind. (Mind/body identification.)
However, when men are willing to sincerely open the Heart,
this is where true wisdom is found, and this wisdom is accessible to anyone.
But, we can't access this wisdom unless we are willing to take the first step,
which is to become extremely HUMBLE...
Only with HUMILITY can we set aside our limiting beliefs and
open to new understandings and wisdom.
When I approach and start conversations with women, I am not
nervous, I am not fidgety, and I always know what to say next because I 'think'
not with my mind, but with my Heart. Some people think that Heart implies being
weak, soft, or even 'cheesy'.
How sad! Currently, it is estimated that less than 4% of
today's population 'comes from the Heart'.
We all share the same collective ego, and we also share the
same collective Heart. The human heart is where wisdom and truth flow inside
each of us, and the trick is to learn how to open it and 'tune in'. The Heart is
supposed to lead the mind, but in most cases, we've got it backwards.
Quite often, we confuse neediness with true love, and this is
what I believe to the the source of ALL problems with Dating, S E X, and
Relationships.
Now, women seem to be especially good at detecting neediness,
and I think there's a lot of overwhelming evidence that our neediness is the
biggest turn-off. Perhaps this neediness signals to her brain that we wouldn't
make a good father, lover, friend, companion... perhaps it really is hard-wired
into their brains to avoid needy men?
I don't know for sure, but one thing I do know is this:
Learn to open your Heart, to TRULY open it, and the
neediness, the number one 'cause' of our problems with women, simply disappear.
The ideas I will be sharing with you are all in alignment
with 'Heart-Centered' consciousness (unconditional love and compassion).
Vin DiCarlo has written
The Attraction Code to help men achieve what they are looking for in women.