THE TAO OF HYPNOSIS

In hypnotherapy and stage hypnosis, one thing that we like to do is arrange the circumstances such that they aid our outcome and maximize our chances of success.

For example, if I'm doing an induction, I'll have someone put up his right arm straight in the air and then say, "As you listen to the sound of my voice, you will start to feel that your right arm is getting heavier and heavier. And as it gets heavier, it will drift down and gradually rest on your lap. And when it rests on your lap, you will be in a deeply relaxing trance."

Well, guess what. Anyone who holds his arm up for long enough is going to have a tired arm that will want to drift down and come to rest on his lap, just as I so deftly prognosticated. I stacked the deck in my favor -- massively. And I come out looking good about 100% of the time.

The point here is that in real life, you can't control all the circumstances all the time. And outcomes, especially when they depend on the actions of other people, are even more challenging to control.

What you can do, however, is to arrange circumstances such that they FAVOR your outcome. This is called Doing Your Homework. This is called Stacking the Deck. So let's see how you can stack the deck in a situation so you come out winning:

1) HAVE AN OUTCOME
Having an outcome directionalizes your brain and all your resources towards getting it. What do you want out of a given interaction -- contact info? Insta-make out? Wedding that night at the Shotgun Drive-Thru Chapel?

Be clear on your outcome. And use the Tao of Dating trick of setting your outcome far beyond what you're willing to settle for. That way, even if you fall short, you're still ahead. As the Italians say, "Shoot for the moon, settle for the stars." Think, "She is going to Aspen with me next weekend", vs "I hope to keep her talking to me for 5min to impress my buddies." Aim high!

2) GET RAPPORT
Rapport is of the essence. My teacher used to say, inside of rapport, anything is possible. Outside of rapport, nothing is possible. So by golly, get rapport.

This is why we cover rapport so thoroughly in the Transformation Weekend Seminars.

We do a bunch of drills to make sure you GET IT: mirror and match body language, voice tone and tempo, pacing and leading, conversational rapport. Use the three quick-and-dirty techniques: assume rapport; get in the physiological state of rapport; and share a secret.

3) ALLOW FOR HER 'INNER YES'
All of us prefer to make choices for ourselves, vs having it rammed down our throats by someone else. Even if we do accept such an unpleasant choice at first, chances are that we'll reverse our decision later.

4) MAKE THE LOGISTICS FAVORABLE
First off, use the 3C's to pick the right venue in the first
place that is Conversation-friendly, provides Community and
Continuity

If you're in the wrong spot but spot the right woman, create a micro-environment that favors your outcome. If you want to chat to a waitress, catch her on break when the whole table of your friends (and her boss) isn't watching. If you're at a loud club or bar, find a quiet patio to converse. I have no sympathy for guys who put themselves in a losing position -- on a loud, chaotic dance floor, for
example -- and then complain about getting 'shot down'. It's just like the situation with the poker dealer. Get out of the way of your own success already.

5) BE COMPELLING, DAMMIT
Lately I've been thinking that being compelling, seen in retrospect, is the same as being memorable. So -- what will make you memorable?

I just made that sub-heading slightly more memorable by adding a 'dammit' at the end. It adds a little bit of emotional charge, and it helps you remember it later. Evoking emotion = mnemogenicity (the quality of being memorable).

How do you make your presence more memorable? Use the Five Methods for being compelling mystery, outlandishness, excellence, attention and fun.

6) FREE YOURSELF FROM THE RESULTS
As we said before, we can't really control circumstances in life; we can only optimize probabilities to favor our outcomes. So do your homework, do it well, and revel in doing your best, because a job well done is its own reward. And when you have that reward, the results coming out of that job well done will be of secondary importance.

When you emotionally detach yourself from the results, something miraculous happens: you can no longer be disappointed. In the absence of expectation, you don't give disappointment a home to inhabit:

The Master's power is like this.
He lets all things come and go
effortlessly, without desire.
He never expects results;
thus he is never disappointed.
He is never disappointed;
thus his spirit never grows old.
-- Tao Te Ching, Ch. 56

So do me a favor and think about those five things. I also want you to think about all those times when you (metaphorically) went into a situation holding an 8 and a 3, didn't get what you wanted and then complained and blamed afterwards. Observe yourself, get out of your own way, and stack the deck in your favor, always. That is the way of the Tao.

Of course, the ultimate way to stack the deck in your favor is to attend the live Transformation Weekend, where we'll give you a bursting toolbox of ways to optimize your success in every are of your life, especially when it comes to dating -- and give them to you in a way that stays with you for the long run and really impacts your life. We would love to see you here.

Dr Alex has been helping men achieve success with women and is the creator of The Tao of Dating